You are a beautiful, beautiful young lady. Your heart is made of tissue, blood and love. I will call you very soon, Princess Sophia.
Worst sexual experience IN MY LIFE. And now i know why it makes jesus cry.
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
Nothing ruins a good sext like too many emoticons
It was good I woke up with my mattress on top of me. I walked around naked the whole night as people wished my Happy Birthday.
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
I'm pretty sure I did the Macarena with a gay guy while shot gunning a beer
My unemployment came through so I'd like to thank the taxpayers of Utah in advance for my level of intoxication this weekend
Dude, Donte totally wants it. I don't have any idea how I do it. I'm not even cool. I'm not even the hero Gotham deserves. I'm barely high. My hands are swelling. Want me to pick you up anything from five guys?
I just love it. It's warm and soft and the rest of the world is so mean. My bed would never be mean to me
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
He suffocated between her tits, but she didn't notice because he still came.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
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