flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
thanks. im glad you find me better in your comparison between me and fat girl porn.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
The fact that every guy you've slept with since you've lost virginty either have the same first or last name isn't normal.
Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
No amount of beer will make me feel better about this. It's time for Emergency Whisky
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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