If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
Woke up chewing my pillow from a dream where I was scarfing Cajun pasta from TGI Friday's. That's a new level of fat, even for us
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Okay now that I've been wanting to eat these hot cheetos in the bathroom, I know it's time I need to stop smoking and go to sleep.
It's truly amazing how much porn I can get in while my phones at 1% battery life.
WHY IS THERE NO EMOJI FOR "FUCK MY MOM JUST SAW MY SEX BRUISES?!"
it was her dad's 50th birthday kegger. Within the first 5 minutes I got punched in the ear from an off-duty cop and smoked a joint the size of my vibrator.
oh yeah, and she got boxed-out by said cop. Then her dad turned around and high-fived him for it
a guy messaged me on POF to ask if I knew of any places that were hiring. And was being completely deadass serious. I'm so done
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He went down on me while i ate a whole 7/11 pizza. New level unlocked
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