May have just accidentally purchased an iphone on Kate's credit card. This has potential to be bad.
I bet the first cavemant to make fire got so much pussy
dont try to nair your balls. i speak from experience
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
Can I borrow you for, like, thirty minutes so you can lay on one boob and rub the other until I fall asleep?
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
Aside from the possibility of pregnancy, I'm going to call last night a raging success.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
In other news I think my vagina is sunburnt
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
PS if you want to hear something hilarious as my little sister was showing me her engagement ring I open a Snapchat from R and it's literally a dick pic. Very different points in our life
Typical Sunday morning text...are you alive?
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
