it was like his penis was on wheels.
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
just snorted lines off a mancala board. I'm destined to win this game.
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
Okay I woke up in my room, snuggie on, had a water bottle in my hand my tv was on Disney channel and my cigarettes are gone. And I deleted every text in my phone but one that said 'you are absolutely welcome'
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
im taking a nap outside. wake me up in an hour.
way to go to work and not wake me up. when you get home youre rubbing me with aloe and giving me a blowjob. no excuses
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
Let's just wait to see what happens before we start making radical plans and starting fires
Randomize
