remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
We need to find a way to make penises more like hookahs.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
I just found cold cuts in the blender. You and beefeater can no longer have unsupervised parties.
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
Your lack of a response has proven you've clearly forgotten how crazy I am.
You know it was a good weekend when; you leave a bi-lingual letter of apology on top of a stack of cash for hotel housekeeping.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
You know what would make this walk of shame even better? Picking up my cap n gown on the way to my car
But how MUCH of an emergency? Like, should I go to the ER now, or can it wait until after the bar crawl?
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
I was having a serious heart-to-heart, and then the weed gummy kicked in.
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
The seven of us sank the first paddle boat, but the second one was much nicer and we stayed afloat. Best night in a while, but we had to walk of shame for a mile.
Why are you rhyming?
Too stoned. That is how my thoughts are collecting.
Randomize
