It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
I think this dress is screaming I want a birthday 3some with two moderately attractive guys. I hope.
I wish the inside of the tampon box said "CONGRATULATIONS YOUR NOT A MOTHER!"
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
The worst decision I made last night was allowing myself to be duct taped to the ceiling
It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
Don't EVER mix a flaming shot, with a Jello shot.. As good as it sounds flaming Jello is not a good idea
Randomize
