You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
She told me she couldnt give me head last night because she was running out of listerine
You were playing beer pong by yourself. Finally someone took the ball and threw it into the bonfire. You sat by it, cried, and contemplated how to get it out. For 45 minutes.
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
As it turns out, strippers don't accept checks.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
My mom has finally acknowledged my soft spot for Russians. Finally.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
ayo
its like you know when i get waxed
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
I'm studying. I have a really exciting life lol
It's hard to say that sarcastically after having sex in a movie theater
Well, I ruined his toilet and he's still completely okay with me. Plus, it took him like a week to tell me.
If a girl I didn't love ruined my toilet I don't think I'd stick around.
Randomize
