It's amazing how much jurassic park has contributed to my life recently
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
I just got my poem back from the prof, there's a sticker of a girraffe on it and it says "you're awesome!" ... How can this even be considered real college?!?
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
I can't believe you picked a finger in the ass over lunch with me.
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
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