He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
Ihop lady gave me free pancakes for being sober this time
We broke two of his toes while having sex. He laughed said he'd fix it in the morning and kept going. I think I'm in love
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
We forgot to go back and get the brick YOU WANTED TO BRING INTO THE BAR?
I actually didn't mind her sub-par blowjob skills.. It took me back to a time when skipping class was noticed, and my liver didn't look like a worn out shoe
They can be so fun, drunk bruises are like clues to the treasure of what actually happened last night. "why do I have a bruise on my belly button? oh right. i was trying to turn my stomach off so I would stop throwing up."
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I hope your fat roommate breaks the bunkbed and crushes you in your sleep
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
Literally sitting on my bed in the dark trying not to throw up
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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