You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
I'm ready for my liver to be the last casualty of 2009
After the VIP Latina experience at the strip club last night, I am rooting for Mexico in this years World Cup.
If it wasn't obvious enough to the cops that she was drunk, she threw in, "I like the colors of the lights because it makes purple."
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
I'm hiding in the bathroom at the library but there are children here I just want to drunk cry in peace
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
he couldn't get a boner so he asked me to sing you shook me all night long to his penis. I think it was weirder that it actually worked
He told me I remind him of his ex girlfriend but in a better more advanced way..
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
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