im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
i just walked passed a table of guys by myself.. they looked @ me talked and then yelled 7
id pin you as more of an 8
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
You came home with a traffic cone and said, "this is my birthday condom."
I had to rip your toilet paper for you...
Just pulled a Kenny Powers on a snowmobile
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You passed out and I didn't draw a penis on your face. Sister of the year.
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
I just elbowed a roll of wrapping paper, and said “ohh sorry”. I’m still drunk.
Randomize
