i'm so high that for the last 10 minutes i pretened my sock was a mouse, and played with it like it was legit.
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
We need to either drink and not go to waffle house or go to waffle house and not drink. I need to know which is causing these shits.
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
I just found a video on my phone from last night of you yelling, "you can't fuck me!" at least 20 times
The last thing I said to him last night before telling him he couldn't give me a kiss goodnight was pointing at his dick then at me and saying "this isn't working out"
oh, i've got big weekend plans. on an unrelated note, do you think viagra will work if the guy is roofied?
He stopped in the middle of us having sex and asked "is today Monday?" then went even faster
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
You were sitting in a chair and you said "I just feel like a little fishy, floooooating through the ocean, so pretty"
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
She's one of those people who could be either 16 or 23. In which case she's too old for me or in dangerously jailbait territory for you, bro.
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
Randomize
