remember when you told me, jokingly, to not get jizz on your shirt that i borrowed last night?
her idea of "friends with benefits" is her doing my laundry. i'm cool with it.
creepy tank top guy is at campus health. he's hitting on a girl recovering from a panic attack.
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
I had to have the lights off to hide my face. I was laughing so hard I almost peed in her mouth
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Found out I slept with someone who likes Pitbull. I really should get to know someone better before I sleep with them.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think my teeth are moving, they feel like people.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
We poured all the Fireball on the Slip and Slide and long story short I have two black eyes.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
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