So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
batman just walked across the sidewalk
lay off the drugs
no for real he was wearing a cape
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
The nurse gave me a funny look when I said I thought I have an std in my throat. Bet she only does it missionary too
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
Let's be honest. I make up for my well below average sized penis with a great personality and a possibly successful future
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
If drinking had a "new high score" I think I hit it this weekend.
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
Randomize
