is it odd that your cat looks tougher than you?
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
Your philanthropic work just got me laid, thanks dad for naming me #2.
all 3 of us brought blondes home last night. all 3 are passed out. we're gonna switch rooms and see how long until one of them notices.
I just reached for my seatbelt when I sat down to pee... Might be a little hungover.
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
It's 11am on 4/20 and I'm already in urgent care.
Also, I just realized you seduced me while in a batman onesie... Well done, sir. Well done.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
I tried to suck your dick underwater and almost drowned
I'm like a saiyan, every time I get trashed I come back stronger
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
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