i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
OMG HAIR ON HIS DICK. HAIR ON HIS DICK AS IN GROWING OUT OF HIS DICK. HAIR.
He was just laying on the stairs and then screamed, "Is that a clubhouse?" I haven't seen him since
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
He has a shower chair now. So he sits and watches me shower. It's kind of creepy.
I'm not judging you. Just know that you could be Queen of The World. Instead you're 5:28 p.m ponging. I hope you're at least winning
Ps you missed quite a show. I was for some reason whipping my hair back and forth and head butted the tip jar. It shattered and now I have a circular bruise on my forehead. All the bartenders hit the floor to get all the quarters.
We were going to play manhunt in a strip club, calling it mancunt.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
I don’t know what he is but he sure can suck a lollipop.
I just drunkenly accidentally had sex with my boss
Did you at least ask for a raise?
No but I am now the owner of one of either his or his roomate's teeshirts... Maybe I can use it to negotiate?
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I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
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