u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
i have my own cum on my nose right now. don't talk to me about "embarrassed".
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
I hope the dean has a raincoat on because I'm prolly gonna throw up on him when I get my degree
We stayed up until 4:20 AM. The next thing I remember was waking up at 4 PM, like my internal alarm clock knew.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
I will always make you feel special and slightly offended. That's my job.
I'm not sure New Orleans is real. Even the grocery stores sell vodka.
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
So, I almost went hone with a French guy and a drag queen. Together. Then I became sober enough to realize, that's not my style.
Randomize
