I had to remind him that there is no "age exchange rate" between the u.s. and spain, and that 16 will always equal 16
I am currently prioritizing my hw by splitting into things i can and things i cant do drunk. Oh college
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
You were so drunk, you called my cruise control, the "auto pilot" and asked my car politely to take us to Taco Bell.
Now that we have successfully procreated, I need to know we are on the same page. Please tell me you are aware that there are whole seasons of our lives that our child can NEVER be made privy to.
We should probably write this down. That's a shit load of shit.
I just spent my entire state tax return on sex toys
For future reference.... When you take a beer out of a 6pack... You don't insert your phone as a substitute.
Next time I feel awkward in a situation I'm going to just yell "free bird!!!!" Like some redneck at lynyrd skynyrd show
I was at the pharmacy picking up my herpes medication and the pharmacist asked if I had any questions about my medicine, looked at the bottle, and laughed. Insult to injury man.
They have beer where we have blood.
i just hope we're both dead or in prison at the same time
So what you're saying is that The Magic Kingdom is ruining our plans to get laid?
Nothing to be ashamed of. I bet Oprah has sharted.
Randomize
