I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
We ran out of wine so we are trying the absinthe you brought over from Spain like 3 years ago. Please call me at noon tomorrow. If we die, its your fault
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Love is....waiting for your girl to throw up her shot in the bathroom...then handing her her beer. Game face.
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
That awkward moment when you are on your way to ICU and the only sympathy gift you can think of is beer and whiskey
"You can have sex in my class, just stay quiet. I don't like noise." My professor... Shall make for an interesting semester.
Who the fresh hell put 2 pillows a raincoat and a guitar on top of me to keep me warm last night
He was actually surprised when I poured myself a glass full of straight vodka. Clearly he doesn't know me as well as he thinks.
You ran up to my room. I was naked. You refused to leave without drugs. I love you.
Randomize
