my mouth tastes like poor choices
No, I'm talking to this Chinese girl. Can't understand a word she's saying, but i think i caught the word vagina a few times.
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
She fell onto my light and broke all four plants. I don't care how good the blowjob was.
Have you ever made a sandwich from swedish fish and tortilla chips?
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
I woke up in bed alone w 2 bite marks on my boob... Salt and pepper shakers In my purse along w a bottle of steak sauce.... The drunkasauraus has struck again
At least she'll always have a story about the time she showed up to the emergency room drunk and covered in chocolate syrup on her birthday.
That's totally the Emoji for "just ran into some girl who knows I know she had an abortion"
Cause I know you wanna ride the D like a Vespa in ROMAN HOLIDAY
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
How... how did you get Adam Lambert's shoes? Does he know you have them? DID YOU STEAL ADAM LAMBERT'S SHOES?! Oh my God I am so turned on right now.
Randomize
