Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
We have to go find her fucking car. She came home from a 80 dollar cab ride, no shoes, and all she remembers is its at a burger king on a street with an H in it
I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
I woke up with fried rice in my sweatshirt pocket came downstairs and found all the chicken in the fridge gone. I'm THAT roommate aren't I?
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
Slutapocalypse this thursday. Invite every freshieee you hooked up with this semester to my house. Think of it like a meet n greet for them and battle of the sluts for us.
I don't think I'm emotionally ready for this blow job.
The salesman looked at me like I was crazy when I explained the need for a headboard that had slats so I could handcuff people to it
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
You ass. You're not the one who bought me flowers, so obviously you will not be the recipient of the blow job of gratitude.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
You tried to fight everyone, so we kept having her take her shirt off. You were sufficiently distracted...
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
He made her leave because she liked Top-Ramen better than Maruchaun. He's my hero.
Randomize
