the way she shouted out instructions during sex made me feel like I was having sex with my gym teacher
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
You were mounting an escalator last night, shouting "I have no health insurance" at people
I don't think he realizes it but he was stroking the faucet while he was talking to me.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
he just exposed your dildo usage to the table.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
Is it possible for mice to climb? If so I think mice are climbing into my bed in the night and playing with my hair..
You know when your cat drags a dead bird into the the house as a present and drops it at your feet looking all pleased because it thinks you'll be pleased? That's what sex with him was like.
I. Love. Skype. Sex.
I think it's just been too long since actual dick has been inside you that you only THINK you love skype sex
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Is constant horniness a medical condition? Because a husband, a boyfriend and an office side piece should be enough penis for one girl - but they’re not :-(
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