Everything we own is covered in grass and KY
So you really shouldn't go around telling people you're fireproof
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
Ultimate Fighter Idea. You and I both have unprotected sex with the same girl in the spam of days. Whoever the child belongs to, wins and that child is the ultimate ultimate fighter.
How high are you?
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is eating fries while lying on the floor bad for you?
If I choke and die at least I will have been doing something I love
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just masturbating and watching Sports Center...is this what it's like to be a guy?!
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I was thinking we could get together and exchange gifts, and by gifts I mean orgasms.
I'm getting 800 nuggets from McDonald's
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
You’ll lick BBQ off my cock but no ketchup on a hotdog?
we found her. shes in the bathtub full of raw pasta. i dont even know...
Randomize