On Saturday, I sharted on my roommates dog while trying to make it smell my farts. Today I got security clearance to work for one of the most respected and secretive govt agencies in the US
It's the American dream
pshh wine cellars. now if he has a tequila cellar whole different story
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
look, i may have sacrified a 20% assignment for a sprite. this is what hangovers do to me.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
A little sexual choking never killed anyone. And if it did, they died happy.
It has now been 10 days since we last saw Sebastians penis
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
Dear god my vagina.
I couldnt sleep the entire night because her cats kept reaching under the door like they were trying to eat me for taking their place on her bed.
I always knew youd fuck a cat lady
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