im giving 12 year olds life advice. this is probably illegal somewhere.
In a world where you don't want your phone to pocket dial your parents at 2 in the morning while you're running around Florida shitfaced, Droid does.
I guess I tried to show you how big my closet was and we ended up eating pickles in my bathroom
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Joe decreed the livingroom and the hallway up to the burn mark his kingdom. I think this is the point of 'stage an intervention'
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
So please don't worry, but I need some help getting blood out of my drywall so I can get my security deposit back. I would not ask if the need was not great.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
Randomize
