The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns.
1 in 5 deaths i nrussia is alcohol related. GO MOTHERLAND
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
They found you popping and locking it alone in the parking lot
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
PSA Do not blow dry your junk.
Randomize