i just had to use the keg as a stool to reach the margarita maker. i'm such a problem solver.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
I have a feeling she doesn't appreciate me as a person. She only fucks me because I look like Harry Potter.
my head gets it he sucks but my LAME FUCKING HEART IN MY VAGINA doesnt
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Every time I see him I get horny. I can't help it!
Just stop. You're making other wives look bad. We are all starting to hate you.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
I need to buy fuckboy repellant for whenever I think it's a good idea to meet boys I found in tinder
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
We had a quickie at work in the office. He walked out before me, and I fell asleep while waiting a few minutes to walk out. Yeah. He's got that change your life dick
Been there. Done that. Still have his t-shirt.
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