Everytime she would start slurring, she'd stop, hold up a finger, wait like 30 seconds, then try again. I love drunk people
She just squirted all over my face. then laughed at me and took a pic
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
Girl farted next to me in class and then denied my high five
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
That's why you bone lesbian cage fighters and 45 year olds. To make life less boring.
Sure go ahead and start this 'business' with him...just don't come crying to me when you have to fake your own death in two years
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
I have a corndog on my dresser and a trashcan of puke. Thanks for a great night!
ITS THE CIIIIIIRCLE OF SLUUUUUUUTS
I blacked out. Broke into their house. Took a shit, and left. This is why you can't leave me unattended.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
I think my stomach is breaking up with me. It's giving me back everything I ever gave it.
Randomize
