"tonights gonna be a goodnight" was blasting at the club while i was screaming "NO ITS NOT" and crying. How do you think it went?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
I almost got runover on the sidewalk by a car but wen it got closer it was a crackhead walking with the whole front of a car... bumper, lights and all... I love New York.
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
Just wana tell you im wearing assless jorts tonight. Ive been waiting my whole life for this.
After the concert, I paid a cab to drive me around the city so I could shout "dc highfive!" at everyone who passed for an hour and a half.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Is that a question you really want to ask or do you just want to tell you that I can't walk without feeling like my legs are collapsing underneath me
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
I'm going to need you to stop harassing my professor on Twitter when you're drunk.
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
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