why did i save someone in my phone as corn dildo?
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
Im mastering the way to pass gas silently.
If you did the rosary as much as you masturbated, you would be the pope
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
Would you like me to write a persuasive essay on how you should let me suck your dick?
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
I found all these half eaten mandarin orange on the ground and the bruises on my neck are definetely not hickies
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You invented a drink at the bar and named it Boner Soup. It was like an even trashier version of a long island iced tea
I woke up this morning and I had the absolutely horrific realisation that I am the human incarnation of scrappy doo
Just googled myself and a bunch of boob shots of me came up. Apparently my phone automatically uploaded them to my google plus.
Please google me ASAP and ensure I corrected this...
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
Randomize