Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
I got him a footlong to apologize for trying to push him off a balcony...
Since your rent is paid til the first, we decided to use your apartment as the beer pong room. We apologize in advance for losing your security deposit.
If I had pants on, you wouldn't be getting this text message
Pretty sure I picked a cat up off the street and took him home with me, fed him tuna, then let him go
They never prepare you for how broke ur gonna be in college. I just accepted money from two underage girls at a gas station to buy them beer only because I'm trying to figure out a way to run off with it without them noticing.
Dude, use it to buy them beer. Then run the beer to ur car as fast as you can and bring it to the party. Seriously, we're running out of booze over here
I didn't know whether to laugh at the fact that a dog bit his balls or throw up cause my dad was telling me a story involving his balls.
Trying to coordinate a drug deal while taking a psych test is not easy.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
because of daylight savings time I lost an hour of sex with an incredibly hot guy last night. thanks a lot farmers.
We probably shouldn't have humped each other in a stairwell for an hour. that was probably my bad
I have 35 pounds of pennies. Need any?
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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