I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
ugly people sure do ruin things
You broke out your mechano set and told us you were gonna "build us a beer machine" and 5 min later you were fast asleep
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
this relationship shit is hard. like i'd like to be able to watch veep without him trying to dry hump me. also im drunk and its 11 am so
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
You ask too many questions when I'm blowing you. You're like a dentist asking how my day has been during a cleaning.
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
That ass isn’t going to eat itself.
How did the test come back?
I've never been so happy to have a yeast infection. And i got a free pack of birth control
Randomize
