when does round two start
I don't know, I gave up bartenders for lent
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
i put that paper plate back in your cabinet because i ate all the ketchup off and you can't even tell. you're welcome.
On the verge of sleeping with a man who can take me to an early bird dinner and a movie with his AARP discount. YOLO
If my sophomore year were to be made into a novel, it would be titled "dances with salvia"
You are COMPLAINING that the sex was too good. You're not getting any sympathy from me
When you wake up on the bus on 139th but you're staying at 6th
133 to go
Do I have to cook for the potluck? Can I just bring a costco size bottle of Vodka?
I always knew I would be boring and die in an Uber.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
I'm too drunk to remember your name. I'm too drunk to recall where i'm currently at. And i'm too drunk to give a shit.
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
Randomize