I cannot find my penis.
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
Pretty sure I just became the first person ever to use the word "boner" in a wedding card...
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
He made off the wall shots in beer pong, stuck the girls dog in a cooler, and played with swords with her mom. I wish I got his name
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
It's a mix of hot dirty sex and week old bong water
Whose dick am I looking at? There are too many possibilities at the moment.
where are my eyebrows?
As long as it's before midnight it's cool. But it would be understandable to ring in my new year shitting myself just before I go to Iraq.
Randomize
