Betty ford says i'm here all night
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
Turns out you can't chew it over with twix in real life
Dude I've never seen anyone get slapped that hard
So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
Just saw someone buying TWO six packs of O'Doul's. WHY ??
The last thing I remember is funneling tequila out of a pink noodle.
Quick question: how long can sperm live in a rug?
I was carrying him baywatch style into my place because he passed out.
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Straight guys just can't stay away. My penis must have pheromones or something.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
I was so high last night that at one point I kept licking his neck saying he tasted like soap and truffles.
Randomize
