I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
I just came out of my doctor's office and i look into the window and i see a guy sitting in the front seat getting head.
why are you so shocked? you live in brooklyn.
You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
Found your pants in the mailbox
What were my pants doing in the mailbox?
I don't know but there's postage on them
Need a travel agent to tell me which countries in Asia have legalized prostitution for New Year. Fireworks would be cool too.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
She gave us all a pep talk at the bus stop at 1 AM. It involved cupcakes and somehow ended with her making out with her best friend. God bless college.
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
No one likes a giant penis on their phone screen. I mean cmon. I'm a lady.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It's very finicky. Like baking. or BDSM.
Randomize
