THEY JUST PLAYED KISS FROM A ROSE TONIGHT IS PERFECT
My mother's day gift to my mother is to promise never to tell her 95% of the stories I've accumulated in my life.
We can grow old together and our livers can fail together
If I remember who won the superbowl tomorrow morning.. I think I'm just going to quit drinking. There really won't be a point anymore
No, trust me. Falling down the stairs is a fucking sobering experience.
I'm going on a valentine's date with the random guy i hooked up with in the bar bathroom this weekend...i feel like julia roberts
Let me stew on this while im plucking my nipple hairs and showering.
Somehow he made it really romantic
He came on your tits... That doesn't scream romance to me.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
They should make eskimo sister bracelets. OMG WE NEED BRACELETS WITH IGLOOS ON THEM.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
I will 100% jerk off using my own tears as lube before I'd ever bang a 4.
All I remember is you shouting "THIS KID IS A FREAKIN' NINJA!!" when he dive rolled over a barbed wire fence and proceeded to ask for his 18th beer.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
Randomize
