the fundamentals of my vasectemy are strong
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Yeah he is here but I can't let him know I am until he has like 30 min worth of drinks. so when he see me he isn't like "omg ew,NO!"
I have so much to learn from you, wise slut
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
Saved By The Bell: The College Years had it waaaay wrong on that one.
Wearing the flip cup varsity team sweatshirt was the best descision of my life.
We need to go back to the barter system so I can sell my body and just be done with it.
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
He ripped down his Kate Upton poster while we were having sex last night. Im gonna take that as a good sign.
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
My vagina is officially offended.
Last year you twerked on my Christmas tree and threw up all over the bathroom...in front of my parents. We should probably keep power hour to ONLY an hour this year
My guy issues hinge on tonight's game. Caps win, it's Dustin. Rangers win, Josh. I even flipped a coin to see who got what team
Randomize
