....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
i jus dunped the rest of my drink down the sink and tool my bra off. pretty sure this is the best decision for everybody.
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
A zombie called me motorboat central while participating in an auction to motorboat my tits. he then proceeded to propose, insisting that he makes alot money.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
I just called the on campus pharmacy and asked the pharmacist to tell me how each one of my medications will react with "excess alcohol consumption". And I'm not even ashamed...I've reached a new low.
if girls can go out in miniskirts and reveal their thongs, I should be able to wear a sheer dress with boyshorts with the word love bedazzled on my ass.
This is why you're my favorite.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Randomize
