Yes, one should always join a cult. At least once.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
wine pong. its mother daughter day and i think she's mad. I smell like jager
It's titled "A countdown to death. A psychological look at the downward spiral of actress Lindsay Lohan and her inevitable Hollywood demise" This dissertation is genius. Not a single sober moment for either Lindsay or myself. Good stuff!
Still butthurt there's a framed picture of me passed out on the toilet in my grandparents' living room
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
she kind of stumbled up and said "Bitches be needin' stiches." i thought i could convince her to break a bottle over someones head but she fell onto her face and passed out before i could say anything
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
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