I'm watching a show called "I didn't know I was pregnant" on TLC...Apparently this happens enough that there is a series
we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Shame tastes like burnetts and latex
you should have walked with me to my car. you just missed a girl rip off her bra and throw it into a dumpster and scream mardi gras
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
the girl whose rug I peed on is here
Apparently I'm a "fire hazard"
Every person I've ever had sex with is in Chipotle right now.
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
Next time you decide to post pictures of yourself in your underwear on facebook, please don't tag me as your bulge.. My mom spent 10 minutes looking for me in that picture. I had to tell her I was hiding.
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