Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
You left a skid on my bar stool!!!!
Oops! Sorry about getting stool on your stool!
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
It's official. I am the proud owner of his very own sex tape. Amateur awesome porn or awful delete-me-now porn? Come over help me decide.
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
Just got home and found him passed out with his ass stuck in a Rubbermaid garbage can. He must have been like that for a few hours
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
we were the definition of too high: argued for 10 minutes about who was gonna get the condom (it was 2 feet away on the night stand) and past out watching adventure time.
There was another blizzard last night and at one point I was drinking 3 beers at once. Driving home didn't seem like a wise option
well all i have to say, besides fuck you, is YOU try assembling ikea shelves while high on molly.
I don't blame you. I made YouTube videos of me singing Rent songs then slept with a married couple. Fucking tequila.
If by science you mean beer then YES!!!!
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
