Well you will be happy to know that aaron carter hit on me
Who is this?
Who do you want it to be?
Sarah Palin
I've got the updo, bangs, and glasses, but I'm blonde
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
remember when u banged some random dude twice in the back restaurant room of the bar i work at with customers still there? and woke up with an enormous highschool-sized hickey this morning? no big deal.
She made the grapes disappear! ALL OF THEM!!!
shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
Ahhh... Adderall running out my nose in the shower really brings back memories.
whatever. as long as im no longer referred to as the girl who fucked the pledge on his big brother's couch.
chimney cleaner pole that expands when button is pushed then pull out. Remember that. We have to patent it.
Who are you high with right now?
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
Yeah I remember doing the worm in my moms room. While she's yelling at me and I'm making seagull nooises
Please tell me I didn't try to make out with a 70 year old Romanian man last night ...
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
