Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
I just had a 2 1/2 hr conversation about the pros and cons of taping your ballsack to your taint, which then led into the unveilling of lady gaga being a hermaphrodite.
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
i have received so many congratulations texts this morning. sleeping with him really was a good decision.
you know something has gone wrong in your life when you've gotten a court order to stay away from ALL mc donalds.
she's my drunk super hero.
Just found custom condoms. Guess I'm not getting any work done today.
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
did you just send me my own nude
I opened my bookbag to put my laptop in and I found two granola bars and a pregnancy test. I am clearly prepared for life
How good was the sex? She sent me a fruit basket the next day.
i woke up with a shamrock tattoo on my wrist and a fat bruise on my hipbone. please tell me its not real.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
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