At some point last night was I riding a garbage can.. Things are starting to come back to me
he just asked if we wanted to go to an arts and crats club with him tomorrow. every day it becomes harder for me to defend his sexuality
My nose hurts from that stripper beating me with her tits
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
Using the only finger i can move, i calculated body mass, intake and time. It's mathematically impossible for me to still have this hangover at 9pm. I passed out at 8pm last night. Fuck vodka.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
DIBS ON THE NEW GUY.
NO. NO FUCKING YOUR COWORKERS
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
I'm gonna write a book. Almost Awesome: all the times I ALMOST got laid.
I can now say I know getting hit in the face with a flying tortilla is not fun
My cat licked the coke mirror and now is giving me dirty looks. Bet money she has the drip.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
am drunk, naked, and blow drying cat. need adult supervision
Randomize
