Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
how many times in life can you be kicked out of a pizza buffet for vomiting on the food and insulting small children
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Im doing shots of vodka in the bathroom covered in pillows.
Tornado warnings are fun!
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
Girl behind me in line at cvs was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan b soon she might be a mom abd that if we couldn't tell she'd be a terrible mom
Doing a circuit workout and using a power hour playlist for my 1 minute timers. I am getting old. creative, but old.
New guy at work just gave me a Percocet for my headache. Officially best friends
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
As long as there is beach, drink, dick, in that order. I’m in.
So I might join you on the drunk train on the way to poor decisions.
Randomize
