i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
omg, he ripped it...he ripped my vagina...best. night. ever.
Well, if your day started with strippers, then we're tied. Otheriwse, I'm winning.
finally achieved: got laid in the religion section of borders. thought you should know.
my co-worker, his best friend who also works with us, an my baby daddy, ive turned love triangle into a retarded shape with to many sides to pronounce
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
She Kept going around and squirting jello shots into guys mouths. That was her ice breaker.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Randomize
