can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Well he's in a two year college so technically hes a senior. At least can we just pretend I'm not robbing the cradle.
hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking if you had a pulse
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
IM A SHIT SUOW THE GUYS AT THE PMACR TOLD ME AJDBO I WEBF RO WALNARY WITH OU SHOES! I WASHT LLOWES FLOWERSA
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
MIDGETS
????
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Now, I know I say this a lot, but you've obviously never seen my penis.
How are they?
Amazing! These new boobs are going to break blouse buttons and wedding vows!
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