I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
thought i was the most hungover person in class until i saw a kid puke into his bookbag...he wins
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
He spent the entire date challenging me to chugging contests.
im swimming of confusion and bacardi. where do i go from herrrrrre
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
I just wanna lay in my bed all bundled up as have someone feed me lettuce
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
We were watchin sharknado and we hooked up while I had the Donald Trump shirt on. She said she felt like he was staring at her
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
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