so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
Sitting at a bar next to a guy wearing sunglasses drinking a pitcher by himself and having an argument with himself over if journey is more ballin than kiss. Feel better about myself.
I've see this movie. You sext me after the bar and fall asleep mid sentence. Roll credits.
i talked to you about this last night, and you kept saying "he wants yo pusssaayyyyyy"
This is how I ended up being the slutty friend isn't it?
Concert was great. Tackled the lead singer. Met him afterwards. He was cool about it.
After the 3rd shot, she was running around singing, "Twinkle Twinkle Big Ol' Dick, on your happy place I'll sit" to your brother.
Put that bitch's torch out. She's been voted off.
But if you were going to pour a liquid on your naked body in fall its definitely pumpkin inspired something.
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
YOU BETTER TOUCH MY NIPPLES TODAY
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
Randomize
