ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
well now i know if i ever need to drive puke and talk on the phone at the same time i can
I thought about farting is his face when he was going down on me last nite.
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
It was a taxi full of fist pumps and chanting to "face down, ass up". It was that 1% that makes my job worth it.
I turned around and there were three 10 year old kids running around with sparklers. Weirdest college part ever.
Welcome to Philly.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
so i'm with my friends driving on the highway and just saw a guy in the car next to us sucking on a dildo. can't make this shit up.
If I die bedazzle my coffin please.
Randomize
