my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
she looks like she scalped a horse for her weave
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
This tent reeks of fear and sangria
You do resemble something that has been used as a chew toy.
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator....which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How's YOUR day?
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
i couldn't be more explicit if i hit him upside the head with a dildo
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