he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
counting down the days left of school on my birth control packet.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We are cuddling. She is so cute when she is too high to be a loud bitch.
My goal for tonight is to swipe my debit card through those weird rolls on the back of a big bald guy's head.
Tell me not to purchase 500 ball pit balls and a kiddy pool
No
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I had to switch to male Siri because I could feel female Siri voice judging me for reading my sexts out loud. Also, the dude voice keeps me in the mood.
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
I boned my sugar daddy for the first time yesterday and now I know why they say guys in their 40s are the best. Also I’m getting a car.
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize
