I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
i guess it's bad bediquette to quote the kool aid man
?
he said oh yeah and i responded with OHH YEAHHHHH!
my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.
i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Whatever is fine with me, as long as I am dressed in green and end up shitfaced.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
I want to be done crawling through windows but the sex is too good to stop...but I'm running out of excuses for where the bruises on my legs are coming from.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
there is a guy with a glowstick staff outside my house
He hand fed me trail mix then I watched the video of me the next morning. He was actually feeding me meow mix.....that drunk. I still have no regrets marrying him
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