All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
I've been watching too much manswers. Cuz i know scissoring doesn't work on a motorcycle.
Contrary to what peaches says, you can't fuck the pain away. Full story later. Have a good morning, buddy.
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
Now you have tequila AND fuzzy slippers. Fuck you. I want that to be MY night.
Random memory from the wedding, the bartender showed us how to open the windows and piss out of them.
fucked a girl in Bentley hall at ten tonight, came on the carpet and I plan on doing it in another building soon. Watch where you walk
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Also, I have your check. Also, still wanna drop acid?
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I think the sex rug burn on my back is infected, can you check it out when you get home?
I'm determined to sit on that face.
I heard Enya coming from steve’s room. I am too high to handle this sudden depth of character
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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