If you want her to think you're a true humanitarian, you may want to stop referring to Hands Across America as "the Ghostbusters 2 of fund raisers."
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
He sent me a picture of his dick with a cowboy hat on it.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
SKIIIIIIIIIIII, trip mo foes! Let-ith the epic- ness begin ith. Heroes go forth, nAy Sayers fuckin die. This is for the good of mankind! See you on the morrow
Apologies to the number who did not expect to get this but certainly be jealous of us.
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
i’n just gonna forge ahead, gag reflex be DAMNED.
Randomize
