Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
i just woke up naked on my porch, holding the neighbors cat in my arms.
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
Have you ever wondered what your stripper song would be?
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Delivery driver perk #327: I just paid for part of the security deposit on my new place in pizza. This oughta be a fun renting experience.
Oh no. Not her. Her personality clashes with mine in ways that would make me wanna beat myself with a stick.
She licked my face when I was on the phone with a customer and I just laughed. Im not sure if thats good or bad
I think we r still a few steps from ex sex. In fact, that's never going to happen. I'm just saying on the seething-chemical-fire-of-emotional-distress-to-post -relationship-intercourse scale, I'm closer to fucking than throttling. Progress is fun.
My little brother found me on Instagram. If I'm not already the shame of my family, I'm about to be.
I think he was trying to be romantic, but the candle he had lit was the kind you use to repel mosquitoes..
Randomize
