C thinks vomiting on the batroom floor = reaon not to party. Lies. Party continues.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
even if everyone didnt know them screaming eskimo brothers and high fiveing over my head kinda gave it away
Hey, my drug test is at 4:15 tomorrow. I'll meet you 5 minutes later.
My penis hasn't been this frustrated since I was like 13 and I awkwardly got boners at school dances
You won't wear your Santa suit, I can't get trashed, and you won't use handcuffs! This is the worst Christmas EVER.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
This time last year I was crying in a church parking lot without shoes or a bra, so the years can only go up from here
He just snapchatted me a blank snap that said "miss our sex" Vagina game too strong
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
You think I could convince him that having sex with another girl isn't cheating?
Randomize
