So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
you came here, splled a bunch of margaritas, hung up a picture of yourself and then left
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
Anywho, an ostrich attacked me today. Fucking useless pieces of shit birds.
A fair warning: I don't think a cop will let you off the hook just because your birthday is on New Year's Eve
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
Do you remember seeing anyone put a "my other penis is a vagina" bumper sticker on my car?
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