I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
In Vegas, have spent the last 48 hours wearing a viking helmet and fanny pack. I consider this to be a career high since drinking is my career
Maury Povich's contact info is in our database at work...i should steal it right?
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
An hour ago, you were stranded out of state, and now you're getting laid? You are a god. Whatever you do, don't ask her name.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
You have to sext the same way you right a resume, you can only use active verbs
How many fucks given?
0.12846
The man sent me a video of him doing the helicopter, the least I can do is go visit him in the hospital
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
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