do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
You made a list of reasons why you should be on fear factor. You came up with 2 reasons: "I like fear" and "I am fear"
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
Probably shouldn't have worn my jeans covered in blood from last night to class.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
Please tell me your aunt didn't see the Brita pitcher full of condom wrappers. We had at least 100.
He started humming whilst eating me out. At first it was weird, but my new motto is now don't knock it before you've cum from it
Sometimes you just have to have sex for a Netflix password.
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I need to stop waking up with no pants on.
what happened this time
I dont know everyone was gone and there was a bird in the room
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
Randomize
