She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
no one will drink with you if you continue to listen to beyonce
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
whose ass print is on the piano?
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
with hottub sex, handcuffs, Pocahontas themed lap dances, and eating pumpkin pie off each other, I'm gonna say thanksgiving will be a success ;)
Went home last night with a guy in a tutu, didn't know he was wearing a tutu until he threw it at me in the bedroom. God I love Halloween.
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
I booty texted him nothing but three exclamation points at 3:05am and he was in my bed 17 minutes later, lest you think punctuation is not important.
I woke up with my converse still on and a plate of pasta next to my face, if that gives you any indication of how my night went
Everyone in Columbus is two degrees of separation from my vagina.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
