apparently i walked up to the counter, put $30 worth of snacks next to this girl, and went 'uhh i have no money'
There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
Spaghetti and Car Bombs, good idea or what will end up on the bar in a few minutes?
I just ditched my friends to hang out with the chilis restaurant crew...one of these girls better have daddy issues
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
You know you're a fat kid when you've spent half the day having a twitter conversation with Pizza Hut.
You called me last night and said you had a vision that a cat made you a sandwich. You were tripping way too hard
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
I dunno what's worse, that one guy here said he'd blow somebody for Tim Horton's right now, or that someone else looks like they want to test his sincerity.
Come get me, I'm fucking scared.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
My autocorrect won't finish pterodactyl for me and I'm feeling personally attacked.
Randomize
