I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
You know, I've never slept in a rug with anyone before you
It wasn't good. I can tell by the way he fucks me he watched too much porn
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
I just got stoned alone and repierced my nose. don't ever tell me I'm unaccomplished
I just got stoned by myself and am eating cookies so I'm right there with you
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
She's really sweet and cute, but when she drinks, she becomes way too proud of her bush.
He gave me a box of cheez-its after sex, does that make me a hooker?
Yeah I'm just gonna stay here and spread my horniness to the world.
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
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