You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
What a tease, dude. She's giving me emotional blue balls.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
the homeless guy was waiting for me this morning. this is the closest to a boyfriend ive had in years.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Jesus once told his disciples that its better to hang out with your best friend than give some douche bag a bj.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
We smoked a bowl, ate popcorn, and watched her lava lamp for an hour. it was a quality bonding experience
I just read through our messages from yesterday and realized we both referred to me tearing my penis as a good thing. What the fuck.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
tonight's safe word is brought to you by the phrase "Ahhhhhh"
I’m inviting a few of my favorite manwhores to a pool party. Bring booze and wear your banana hammock so Amy can see what I’m always talking about
Randomize
