We should takd a huggy cab to snuggle bunnyville
i am sorry to ask, but i need y0ur honest opinion . when i turn sideways to someone, does my nose stick out like a beak ?
We're 3 acts into this drag show and we've already run out of Lady Gaga songs.
I shall celebrate this moment with a beer conveniently located in the sock drawer directly to the right of me.
you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
new years resolution, not be in jail at midnight for 3rd year in a row.
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I believe you would have been proud of me last night.. I was chasin Fireball shots with Jack and Coke. Guess there's a reason they call me Whiskey Woman.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
Randomize
