We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
Just burped. Tasted like beer and cherios...Beerios. This is gonna be quite a day.
he came and i only had my diet coke to rinse.. can you say coke float?
So thanks to the xanax and vodka memory erasering combo i wake up only to reopen a picture of some very familiar balls
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
He tried eating fireworks, to stop him being hungover in the morning. Where do you keep finding these people?!
He was my shower sex Sherpa last night. And we both made it safely up the mountain.
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
She showed up in lingerie and a turtle backpack full of bacardi. I think its love.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
I'm now consulting a magic eight ball on all major life decisions. On another note I think I have chlamydia.
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
There way too many people in that club who have had their dick in me
I got locked into my place today. You might be wondering if that was a typo... It's not.
Randomize
