god please explain to me why there's blood underneath my fingernails AND toenails?!?!
Dude To be completely honest I don't think you want me to.
I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
Crisis Situation. How do you have that "we probably shouldn't make out tonight cause i've got an oral herpes outbreak coming on" conversation on a third date.
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
i just feel like it would be irresponsible for you to not have sex with me again.
My vagina agrees.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
I just walked out topless, stared his brother straight in the eye, and ate all the rest of their cookie dough.
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
I find nice boys who are in extremely long term relationships with nice girls, wait for them to break up, and sneak in for the rebound fucking.
You are like a terrifying jaguar of sex. Predatory.
Randomize
