Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
Did I send you an asleep facebook message about the upcoming football season titled 'BRILLIANT' at 4:45 this morning?
In chronological order you drank, sang, smoked, napped, threw up, cried, laughed, described your pubic area, passed out. You have abused the privilege to use me as your D.D.
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
There are so many Jimmy John's employees here
Where are you?
Jimmy John's.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
Seriously your house is like the underground railroad for unwanted gay kids
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
IF WE WERE REALLY BEST FRIENDS FOREVER YOU GUYS WOULD AGREE TO A WATCHING A PORNO PARTY
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I just said give me penis or give me death. Some patriot is rolling around in his grave right now.
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
My vagina has a heartbeat. That means I'm in love, right?
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
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