hot girl, 5 o clock
do you know how to read a clock?
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
you proceeded to scream out that it's your birthday to everyone who walked by before you collapsed in the middle of the street. happy 21st birthday to you.
We legit stopped the the game so that Jamie and I could throw up in the bushes, and then continue to play intramurals... this is what my life is coming to1
Currently studying Econ, while waiting outside current booty call's residence for him to return from the strip club. This is your fault.
Did I leave the house with out a shirt or socks?
Yea, you said you didn't need them cause she was going to take them off anyways and that it would "save time".
Apparently "Do you want me to ruin your day now or later?" is not a good way to tell someone you're pregnant and it's theirs.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
I saw the president of my women in business club at the bar last night...I was gonna thank her for teaching me the business skills to create my own fake to get in... then i decided not
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Just hit on a girl with the line, "You look like Natalie Portman if she did drugs". Strike 1
I want to get drunk and watch somebody else's tragedy.
If the multiverse is real, would you screw yourself? I'd screw myself.
Randomize
