does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
we could easily be the first people to smoke 3 bowls and pound a Four Loco before goin on a tour of the Tillamook cheese factory
"Let's chug a beer then make out" doesn't sound as nice, but it would prob make him cum right there.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Sometimes having a penis is like having a really stupid drunk best friend. You see it doing dumb shit but you're just not the one in charge.
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
