why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
you're the only person I know who would bring a water bottle of screwdriver to a wedding, and toast with it during the speech
At least drunk me was smart enough to stash toilet paper in my bag before I started my walk home. Finally countless squat pees and wiping with grass taught me to be prepared.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Why do I have a bunch of cash....and your bra.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
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