I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
they described our state of being as looking similar to a crime scene....you were on the ground and i was running around screaming.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
You're going to the beach with me so we can have beach sex whether you like it or not. Get over it. Kthx.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I feel like god wrote up a contract of my life, and i just signed off on that shit without reading the fine print.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
I SHIT YOU NOT a mailman helped me leave without waking him up.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
If it makes you feel any better I almost got kicked out of the bar for yelling "enjoy your celebratory incest"
I love you.
Randomize
